BEEP…….BEEP…….BEEP……BEEP ……BEEP……..BEEP……..BEEP…… BEEP. .......BEEP…….BEEP…..BANG
Fuc…. Oh sorry god may my day pass in peace.
I sometimes think that why do we ourselves set alarms in night when we hate its ringing in morning the most, well leave it.
By the way I’m Ayan I don’t know why I’m waking up at this hour from my deep slumber full with ecstatic dreams (Preoccupied with thoughts of luscious lips of Alka our so called maid).After cursing my destiny I stepped on the floor it felt like an icicle piercing through my leg .So I cursed my destiny even more.
By the time I reached the THINKING ARENA (our bathroom) my feet became accustom to bitter cold actually they went numb. I entered in bathroom and took my toothbrush and applied toothpaste on it, suddenly from no where a cockroach fell over me. To save my self from that roach I jumped, while my toothbrush jumped out of my mouth right into the toilette pit. And one more time for me to curse my destiny.
After I have done my ablutions. I thought what if somebody had thrown a bucket full of this icy cold water over me twenty five minutes ago and that thought was enough to run a bitter chill through all my 13 nerves (it may be 14 or may be 15) of my spinal cord .But this killing chill had given me an idea to ravage the dreams of my sweetheart Alka flourishing in the cerebellum or cerebrum or medulla or god knows which part of brain of the other four demons named as ,Tusshar(Dr. tushki),Kashif(Mr. imperfectionist),kapil(Dr.White bull),Sharman(sec c), with them I share this flat .
We have one more room partner named Joy (The stud) but right now he is in
Although we all are from different fields, different cultures, different regions, different values but there is one string which keep all these beads of different size and color together .We all are warriors of same battlefield, wondering what are we, we are
“ DROPPERS ”
Who are droppers? TECHNICALLY a dropper is the one who take a gap for preparation of one or the other competitive exam but actually dropper means one who has been dropped out of society .A dropper is a non social animal.
Although untouchablity has been abolished from
The moment the idea came to my mind I just connected a pipe to bathroom tape and using principles of pipes, cisterns& fluid dynamics and projectile motion I opened the tape, THE TAPE.
And the next moment entire ambience of room got filled with the thesaurus of mother fuckers and sister fucker & a lot of permutation and combination of such words and this is the way our each and everyday starts.
Generally after that, we get ready for our respective coaching institutions. Me, kapil and Sharman are preparing for pre medical exams so obviously we are in the same institute Khare {also means pure} coaching institute while Tushar and Kashif are preparing for so called IITs and joy he is preparing for for for for aa…. aah ……….ahhahh…hmmmmm…. leave it.
How we met
How we share same hostel & same humiliations of ragging
How joy being the senior most saved us
From that day he became our savior
Then we left with him 4 a new flat
“What day it is. Is it Wednesday” asked sharman.
“Why? Do you have a date with Angelina jolie on Wednesday?” Tushar replied while wearing his white and only t-shirt.
Tushar had a weird quality of writing one liner on his t-shirts he daily wash off his t shirt write a new line, he call this as self designining. Even we all had asked him to design one t-shirt for us. Today his t-shirt reads
Love
To
Hate
The line was quite strange but simultaneously very true.
“Come on you fucker say what day it is”
“It’s Wednesday.”
“COOOOL. Then it’s our kinetic day”
“Ya ya ya. It’s your day ok take the joy’s kinetic with you but tomorrow is my day and remember to get it filled with 20 Rs. Fuel.” Tushar said yawningly.
Driving a kinetic Honda to coaching might not be a big deal for most of teenagers but for this we even can kill each other.
And finally we left for our class on KINETIC HONDA {I Pity on that vehicle because it has to bear the world’s most 3 useless guys} I was sitting last and sharman was driving as usual
.I just love to travel at this time with rising sun but surrounding yet dark. Birds chirping all over, pigs porking, dogs still yawning, ducks quacking. Ducks …? Oh sorry no ducks. Owners of tea stalls are preparing for tea, poha and jalebi (it’s most affordable and that’s why most favourite breakfast of Indore) bunch of students waiting for there school bus and I just love when cool breeze brush my hair and no traffic, no dust, a complete package which can inspire a poet or a painter but what attracts me the most is lot of female sweepers, sweeping road.
“Oye chikne see that sweeper in yellow saree she is so damn sexy.”I uttered to
“Twerp don’t give me that crap again we‘d got enough of your Alka stuff” he replied.
“You know what; you guys don’t understand real quality.”
“Stop that shit you despo.”
“ya ya ya. Hey! Gorgeous want a warm bed in this cold.” I shouted.
“Run away you motherfuckers or else I’ll cut you into two….Bastards.”
“Man did you saw her? She has real attitude. I wonder how much aggressive she’ll be in bed.” I sighed
“Shut up you bloody sex maniac.” Sherry said.
We reached our class by 6.15am.
After parking the vehicle Sherry said “let’s go guys if we are lucky today, we’ll get a chance to sit in front row.”
“Let me remain unlucky ok. Kapil are you interested to wait for the angel.” I asked.
“With all my pleasure and until my last breath.” he said
“Oh come on you two.” Sherry said peevishly
“That’s a Mercedes, no it’s a Porshe, oh no it’s a Cadillac.” kapil said.
“Yes it’s a Cadillac and look your father is driving it. You guys are coming or not I’m going.” sherry ranted. And he left for class.
But me and kapil continues to stare at that car (I still don’t know which car is that but I can surely say that’s an imported one) here comes the better half of the story, our angel stepped down out of the car. Man what a perfect blend of sexiness and simplicity. But she went straight to the class as soon as she stepped down of car and we merely followed the master of our heart.
In the name of class we just have big hall (in evening you can rent it for any social gathering and leave the remnants of food there only, we are accustom to manage with it.)A blackboard and the worlds most tarnished and rotten mat which is being spreaded on the floor on which we sit (yes we don’t even have chairs to sit).
At sharp 6.45 sir entered. Man how he can be so punctual and that too without wearing a watch.
As soon as he starts teaching I end up in comprehending things.
“Is this your first drop?” Kapil asked a hydrophobic boy with 20 to 30 hairs on head.
“No it’s my third.”
“Oh! My God. What was your rank last year?” And there he goes; Kapil had asked the most lethal question to a dropper.
“I secured 2nd rank in AIIMS, but I’ve taken drop to improve my rank. Do you have any problem? You just mind your own business ok.”
“Why you are getting angry, I just mean….”
“I know exactly what you mean; you think it’s funny to hurt people like this.”
“But I just mean…...”
“Oh! Shut up you bastard. Don’t play smart with me. I flush millions of bastard like you in my loo everyday.”
“Yes but I was just……”
“Hey Kapil look, pink butterfly & blue heart are staring at Ayan.” I said to interrupt the deadly conversation.
Oh sorry you guys would be wondering what pink butterfly and blue hearts mean. Since we do not know the name of 99.9% girls so we have concocted a new nomenclature system based on the colours ant figures inscripted on there panties, actually when they sit on the floor there t shirts get lifted up and there trousers descends down a little and make the waistline of there panty to appear (which is sufficient to act as a eye candy for voracious dogs like us).
At 1.30p.m our respected teacher finally called off for the day (obviously after instructing to solve at least 300 MCQ i.e. multiple choice question). So we just walked outside like zombies, half dead.
“Where is kapil” I asked while yawning with all my might, letting my rictus to open so widely that it can fit a small dinosaur
“Where he can be? In toilette. I don’t know what he do in toilette. Why do he need a toilette after every hour.” Sherry said
“Hi…..”
I just turned my head to look in the direction from where that sound came. Oh! My GOD, no it should be OOOOOOHHHHH MYYYYYYY GODDDD!!!!! IT’S HER .Am I in a dream. Is this a hallucination, the angel herself is talking to me with her pink petals like lips
,she is far more beautiful then any girl I’d ever seen ,her flamboyance just mesmerized me, her perfume made me feel so fresh (it feels like I’d finally taken a bath after 24 days),she herself is standing at a distance of 632.9998866 c.m from me with her perfectly crafted body just like a playgirl model ,which is very carefully and painstakingly covered in a soothing white and pink salwaar kameez, in contrast to the dark brown strands of her hair (which is right now due to the defiant wind irritating her a little and right now I can do anything, just anything to touch them)her cheeks are as fair and as glossy as saffron mixed milk, with the most cutest dimple on them and finally her deep blue eyes .EYES!!!!??? OH NO GOD.God please please please not this time.
“Hi Sherry……..”She said.
Not again. She is talking to that… that. that bastard.
What the hell girls find in Sherry that interests them, what is the difference between he and me. He is only 5’ taller than me and his colour is like a white Pomeranian dog and his hairs are like a stallion tail while mine are like toothbrush (mine are more useful than his) and, so what his eyes are green, so what he’d consecutively three times secured 2nd rank in class tests, so what, ok I think now I got the difference.
“Don’t even try. Just get lost from here.” Sherry said.
“WHAT…”she said.
“WHAAAT…”I Said.
“WHAAAAT….”kapil said. I don’t know when he came.
“Don’t you understand I said just get lost.”
Is sherry gone nuts what is he barking. Somebody please just wake me up from this nightmare, I know the class is still going on and I’m still sleeping.
“Fine…”and then she turned and in a moment she got vanished in her imported car (which was a Lexus, finally I figured it out)
“Are you out of your mind, you lunatic dick?” I yelled at sherry
“why?” he asked(I was feeling like to just raise my hands in air and to start run here and there, to shout like a mad but I composed myself and asked him
“Oh aye as if you don’t know happened”
“Yes I don’t know what is making you so anxious .Is there a bug in your underpants?”
“What do you think of yourself .Do you even know what have you done just now”
“I don’t think that I have done something so bad”
“Oh come on somebody tell him what a lethal sin he has committed. Why you did that”
“Did what”
I was feeling like to kick him right on corpora cavernosa of his penis
“Why did you talk to …….”
“I don’t have a problem with your conversation but I’m starving” kapil said
“Yes you buffalo belly”
And we settled on our ride and continued
“Why did you talk to Angel like that?”
“Listen Ayan you don’t know such girls they just target innocent guys rather foolish guys like you and then….”
“And then what?”
“Then they just play with your emotions and when they get bored of you they make fun of you in front of everybody. Shattering your all dreams, they just make your heart half crippled, and believe me it’s very painful.”
“And how did you know all this Mr. experienced.” I asked looking at a poster of some underpants. I wonder how a girl can get attracted towards a person who is wearing the underpants of that particular brand when she didn’t even know it.
“I just know …….I just know.” and he sighed heavily
I thought something is serious really serious but I was in no mood to inquire and for rest entire way we just kept quite.
Finally at 2.30p.m we reached our condominium. At this hour of day I become the most anxious guy in this entire world. And finally at 2.55p.m the bell rang, I just pounced wildly on the door (so swiftly that I can even beat Michael Phelps if it would swimming)
Here she is my darling, my love Alka.
“Namaste Ayaan saab.”
Those words made me felt ecstatic.
“Hi alka .How are you.”
“Fine saab. How are you?”
Suddenly I felt that words are not coming out of my mouth, my tongue got numb. Why am I not able to speak at the moment for which I was waiting for entire day and one more thing I’m not able to comprehend, why this happen every day.
Leaving me in this dither she had already left for the kitchen. And one more chance for me to curse my destiny. I think God is very parsimonious that’s why he wrote my destiny with a pen with no ink and which stops exactly there, where I wanted it the most. In this glum I went to my room.
TING TONG TING TONG. (Doorbell)
“Alka look who’s on door” Tushar shouted without looking up from his book
“Hey alka”
“Namaste Joy saab”
“How are you? Well you are growing sexier as days are passing by. What’s the secret?”
“Oh come on joy saab stop joking”
I thought what the hell the joy is talking. No matter how sturdy he is or how rich he is or how senior he is and no matter how his muscles bully me but I cant see any bastard talking to the piece of my heart like this.
“How many kids do you have Alka “Joy asked.
“Why he wants to know it.” I said in a low voice to kapil
“2 kids saab 1 boy, 1 girl”
“I’m sure your daughter must be as beautiful as you are”
“Tell him to cut that crap” I said in a hush to kapil.
“Oh come on saab “she said blushingly and left for kitchen
“You heard that .Did you hear that?” I asked Tushar
“Oh ya .I heard that, now what are you going to do?” Tushar said smilingly.
“Why are you smiling? You think this is a matter of joke? You just warn him that this pond has already been fished out and if he sneaks into it then be ready to face consequences. Yes very very dreadful consequences.” I said firmly.
“Hey guys! What’s going on up.” Joy said cheerfully entering the room
“Very fine sir .Ayan was just talking about you.” Kashif said from the table behind me, how he can be everywhere without being get noticed.
“Really, what is he talking about” Joy said avidly
“Ayan tell sir, what were you talking about him?” Tushar said without looking at me, he was trying to hide his laugh.
“Yes Ayan tell sir, don’t be shy.” Kashif said
I thought I had never hurt this guys, I had never stole anything from them (except there food).Then why do this guys want to kill me?
“No sir, nothing special I was telling them that you have been out for a long time this time” I said.
“So you were missing me honey” Joy said smilingly.
I just gave him a tentative smile, gave a stern look to everybody else in the room and then left the room.
I entered the balcony which was just sufficient for 2 people to stand and enjoy the view of the city, which includes the boisterous M.G road, several peddlers and hawkers shouting to sale their products on both the side of road and heavy traffic drifting at an enormous slow pace creating a big cloud of smoke, dust, moisture and god knows what else. I heard it somewhere in chemistry or in biology class that smoke + fog = smog, which is a deadly combination and it causes acid rain so I just removed my discolored underpants from the parfait wall to save it from an encounter with the acid rain(but not much was left in it to be saved ,it already have lots of holes in it). At one corner of the road I saw a canopy under the shade of banyan tree. The canopy has 2 big loud speakers saying “ if you are unhappy because you are not able to satisfy your wife in bed and you think she might look for other choice or everyday you reach to office late because of your gastric troubles or if you want to attract girls with your strong muscles or if you are worried because you are bald or you want to come first in your exams and for your problem you had taken numerous treatment which all disappointed you and you are feeling dejected…………………….now no worries cheer up because……..BABA SHREE SHREE SHREE SITAMAL 108 is here, he had cured thousands of patients like you by enormous power of magic and archaic medicines ……so rush to him to treat your impotency, constipation, piles, haemorides , spots, and every problem of yours. Hurry up!...........If you are unhappy ……………”
“Hey sherry, come here” I called.
“What happened, Joy’s honey.” he said while coming towards me.
“Shut up you moron and look at that canopy.”
“What so special about that.” said Sherry
“Do you think, that really works, I mean he can really treat any problem with magic?”
“Ayan, are you really so dumb or you are just playing so dumb?”
“Why what happened?”
“How can you believe a Quack like him?”
“Does he have a MBBS degree?”
